A week has almost gone by since Jeff made the transition from bodily form to pure essence and it seems only like moments. He was my best friend, my guide, my confident, and though I've grieved, I’m still in the same space I’ve been ever since I first heard about his illness. This couldn't be happening. It’s unreal. It's unthinkable…yet here I am putting up a Robert Jeffery Wolcott Memorial blog site so that others can express themselves concerning their loss of a dear friend, but also, perhaps what they too have already gained through the months of Jeff's illness and the scant week since he left the face of this earth.
Or has he left? Ah! The curiously new mind of awareness is always asking such questions. I feel his presence right now, just as I used to connect with him from down in Santa Cruz while I sat typing up my dreams in Sonoma.
Maharaj was once asked by a seeker what would happen if somebody cut off his his head, and Maharaj said immediately that only a line of communication would be cut off, nothing else. It's the same with Jeff; yeah, we won't hear that boisterous voice nor feel those huge arms hugging us, but he's still here, he hasn't gone anywhere; or you might say he's everywhere now.
I invite everyone to express themselves here about Jeff, and what wonders and affection he brought forth in their lives. I suspect Jeff's legacy is spread among those he called friends, and each us shared many treasures with this unique, kind, gracious, soft-spoken, strong, clear, satisfied mind that presented itself to us in various bodily guises.
I too will write more soon, as each day passes without jeff and I reflect upon just how much a gift he was in all of our lives.
Joe,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this beautiful memorial site to Jeff....this is a treasure!
I can't believe how generously Jeff shared himself with people as he went through his passage...(bless you , Jeff, bless you a thousand times!!) There's just so much I could say, Joe....like the way everyone whose life he touched felt his presence and love in a deep and special way....I will share more as I organize my thoughts, Joe, and thank you again for the opportunity to do so. You and Emmy are in my thoughts, janet crawford trenchard
Dear Joe,
ReplyDeleteI met Jeff back in 1982 and I knew he was special person. I spent time with Jeff when my world came crashing down in 1986; he and I played music together. Jeff always had time to help friends, a person in need and gave himself freely of his heart. His spirit was giving, joyful, playful and carefree. I shall miss Jeff, watching his big small walk down the street; strumming Dan Fogelburg, and joyful times he spent at Cafes being Jeff.
I know that he has moved on to a great peace and freedom that is from this plane to a beautiful world that will welcome his soul in oneness.
I do feel his loss in the sense that I lost a precious friend, his impact on the world around him. No soul leaves this world completely as his love will remain with us as the greater love there is.
Thank you for this space to share my love about Jeff.
You are in my heart for your love,
Mary Miller (Wimmer).
A lighthouse standing firm
ReplyDeleteCasting beacons of hope
For all who ride the waves
Of joy, sadness, fear, and laughter.
How could I know you?
What could define you?
Someone I thought I knew
Now, reveals himself as he truly is.
Sadness and joy dance with each other.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Thoughts vanish into the place from where they come.
Nothing is finished!
Did it ever start?
If so, where, when, and why?
So many knew you more than I.
But, now, I have a chance to really know you.
As myself and all the bitter sweet faces that miss you,
Yet, know you haven’t gone away.
After all, where could you go?
Richard Pell
Jeff!
ReplyDeleteThe simply (deeply) touching example of "do no harm". What an ability to make people feel heard, seen, cared for, respected, loved. Some people make a space to connect, and then fill it until almost full with themselves. Jeff made a space to connect that was wide open to walk into. I really just learned this and felt the full impact of it before his . . . slipping through. All blessings, Jeff, and thank you for the honor of those potent moments, and your kind words and encouragements.
Leni Felton
I knew Jeff years ago and only recently reconnected with him, but it was wonderful to see he was now just the same as he was back in the '80s: a true, to-the-depths GOOD man, gentle, kind, caring, and humble.
ReplyDeleteJeff is the kind of person you feel lucky to have met up with even once in life. A genuinely beautiful spirit, he emanated goodness and light while he was in the earthly realm. His calm, loving nature lit up a room, softly, with a warm glow that was welcomed by all.
Gentle and always friendly, Jeff was open and generous to everyone who crossed his path in life. Although we can no longer see his physical being, his presence will be ever felt by all the fortunate people who knew and loved him here -- and who will hold him in love and gratitude always in their hearts. Jeff, I think all your many, many friends would agree: we are blessed to have known you!
Eileen Maceri
I was there for the death. Very profound.He was wonderful to the end. Smiled at me as I helped him swallow last doses of morphine.
ReplyDeleteMichael Coffman, Hospice Nurse and long time friend of Jeff.
I recently attended the death of our good friend, Jeff. I was present in the capacity of Hospice nurse, as well as his long-time friend. In his last weeks he became very clear spiritually and helped me with matters of the heart, as I helped him with his symptoms and issues related to terminal cancer. During the day yesterday I kept feeling that he had something to share with me, then in the night, this is what came:
ReplyDelete(I just woke up at 3am and felt an urge to take some dictation)
"Just let everyone, including yourself, be free to feel and act the way they do. Nothing to get concerned or uptight over.
Love is the only thing that's real in all of this appearance that takes place around us. Don't worry about who you love or how much, or whether they love you. All that kind of concern just limits how freely we can live in the love and feel the joy that is our birthright.
Lakshmi is fine the way she is. She has to be, since that's the way she is. You can't make her into a different person to suit your needs. If you hit it off, that's great, but just be happy regardless of how it plays out between you two.
Tell Marjorie I sooo appreciate the way she has been a help to me, since even way before I got the cancer thing. She's been a real gem. All of you have."
Michael
Addendum to above 2 comments from Michael Coffman:
ReplyDeleteIn the moments immediately after Jeff's passing, I rested my forehead on the bed and was sobbing gently, when I 'heard' him gently suggest."As long as you are letting out your grief, why don't you let any stored sorrow from any other deaths you have attended. where you weren't able to grieve, flow out along with this grief. This was amazing, and in a few moments I was unburdened of a load of residual emotions. Michael Coffman
One night recently, Jeff flew into my dreams, just like Superman. He was visiting his friends and checking in to say he's having a delightful time. He indicated that the Earth Plane was fine, but it's soooo much vaster and more delightful in the plane where he now exists. A most delightful visit from a dear friend. Marjorie
ReplyDeleteI was just looking at this photo of Jeff and noticed the pillow with a Chinese symbol next to him and I think it translates into destiny... I will never forget the lessons that I learned from Jeff and I find myself taking more and more moments, adding bits of his wisdom and kindness into my everyday details..I am eternally grateful and honored to have such wonderful and meaningful memories. it does seemed destined to have known him, and my life forever changed. Leolani
ReplyDeleteDear Joe,
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful way to share stories of Jeff. I am loving all of the pictures, thank you. They capture his essence so well. What an incredibly sweet sweet soul. Jeff came into my life at a time when I look back now I can see it was destiny in it's most beautiful form. It was a brief but profound relationship in my life and he gave much in different ways.
I too had asked Jeff before he left, if there was some way to come back and let me know how things were on the other side but he said: "Oh I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for something from the other side if I go first. I don't even know if there is an other side. Perhaps this is the other side and we just don't know we're dead yet. Maybe that's what enlightenment is about, realizing how we kill our spirit and being by living in all the imaginary realities our minds come up with".
But the other night before I drifted off to sleep I asked Jeff to come to me in my dreams. I wanted to know that all was well. He did come and was showing that silly, impish side of himself which was so fun. He was jumping around and up to some funny antics. It gave me the feeling that all is well on the "other side".
Love does not diminish with time...I will always have very fond memories of Jeff.
Gretchen
Dear Joe, other old friends, and other kindred spirits whom I have never met,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the love and sharing on this site. I have been drinking in these words and images. They are a beautiful tribute to the impact Jeff has had our lives, give voice to our grief, and celebrate that of essence of Jeff that can never fade or falter. Since hearing the news, while reading these posts and sharing e-mails with some of you, old friends from the Avadhut/SAT days, all of this has been very palpable.
I heard the news a week ago, almost a month after Jeff passed away. I did not know he had cancer so it was all quite a surprise. Since then I have been feeling this very deeply in silence. No urge to say much. But this morning felt moved to share.
Some of us once used to hear, and hopelessly try to believe, that Enlightenment was only about transcendence: that the form did not matter, that time was an illusion so memories didn’t matter, and that grief was some how an unnecessary – even confused – emotion. We can smile at this, realizing that purely from the point of view of transcendence this is all true. And yet…
For me, Jeff is a shining example of how we can realize transcendence but not hide in it… by coming back down to earth to find and share real love and freedom, right here in this messy business of being human. We can welcome it all in. Jeff for me was that, he was Rumi’s “Guest House,” the personification of that great poem. My experience with Jeff, and the many experiences shared here, pay tribute to that. Alleluia! What a wise-sweet soul and what an impact he has had.
I rummaged around in my old photo box this morning to see if I could find a picture of Jeff to post – one from the old days, in the 80s, when I met him. No luck. But the only image I will ever need is a memory of the last time I saw him. I think it was about five years ago. Lorraine and I, with our kids David and Sophie were passing through Santa Cruz. We agreed to meet Jeff in a restaurant downtown. He was a little late, ahem, but soon we saw him meandering down the sidewalk with his big overflowing alpaca sweater, his funky Peruvian hat (with the little wool threads swaying off each side of his head), and his familiar gate. That look on his face, that not too hurried way of “trying” to look like he’s in a hurry, was all framed by a big smile and rosy nose and cheeks. Soon each of us was lost in his big hug and apologies for keeping us waiting. That image of Jeff is indelible for me. So is that last big hug.
In response to some of your words on this post…
Eileene…
Jeff, I think all your many, many friends would agree: we are blessed to have known you!
+++Oh yes. Thank you. Bravo!+++
Richard Pell’s wonderful poem and closing words …
… Yet, know you haven’t gone away. After all, where could you go?
+++This also pretty much sums it up for me. Thank you. A big bow. (But you not getting one those full body prostrations.) J+++
Gretchen
Quoting Jeff… "Oh I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for something from the other side if I go first. I don't even know if there is an other side. Perhaps this is the other side and we just don't know we're dead yet. Maybe that's what enlightenment is about, realizing how we kill our spirit and being by living in all the imaginary realities our minds come up with".
+++THANK YOU for sharing this. Priceless.+++
Joe
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing
there is a field. I’ll meet you there. (Rumi)
+++You posted this Rumi quote right up front on the site. So fitting. I love this quote. I found it etched in a piece of granite, sold by an artist at a street fair in Portland. It now sits in my home. It is so Jeff. He is one of the least judgmental people I have ever met. He’s “waiting for us all out in that field.” Thanks for posting this and for making this site happen.+++
Excuse this long post. Maybe it’s an urge to share from afar. Tonight, many of you will gather in Santa Cruz for the memorial. Lorraine and I cannot join you in the flesh but will in spirit. From up here in Portland, we will bow a silent bow, then toast Jeff with a really good wine. To Jeff!
John Thomas
Dear Joe
ReplyDeleteThanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts. To everyone who made the memorial possible THANK YOU.
Dear Jeff:
You were the big brother I needed in my twenties. I worked with you, learned from you and enjoyed many meals. You and I spent many a happy day spreading "mud" on walls of houses - a trade you taught me.
When my future wife and I argued and I was ready to throw in the towel - you told me to just go and listen. Jody and I have been married 17 years now. On the day we married you handed me the ring.
The memorial brought up many fond memories, I felt your presence around me. You died as you lived, with eyes and heart open, this is something that touches me deeply. I am grateful to have known you,
I will carry you in my heart and take more time to savor the taste of life, to dance, and take time for friends.
Adrian Garsia
Love ya, man. Not to worry or be sad, we will all be joining you shortly, in peace, in love. Death and Life, just two sides of the same coin. Thanks again very much for the great lunch with Marjorie. Too bad we couldn't repeat it, but perhaps we will, some way or other and, who knows maybe Nirmala will be able to join us this time...
ReplyDeleteKeep the light on for us bro !
Much Love,
- Henry/Morgan
I know i'm very late to find this memorial, I had recently thought that I needed to attempt to get a hold of Jeff because my teenage daughter had gotten into a fight at Jr. high and it really upset me to see her going through this and making bad choices, while I hadn't talked to Jeff in 6 or 7 years I knew that he would be as solid as a rock to help me with his wisdom and insight.
ReplyDeleteI Met Jeff in 2002-2003 I actually connected with him when he worked at a class that he taught, Jeff is an amazingly gifted individual he had a level of awareness that you don't see or find in people very often, Jeff really inspired me to grow as an individual and helped me to keep my marriage together and to be the father I had really wanted to be, I really love this guy man and this news makes me very sad - I have not read the other comments just the memorial blog, I know Jeff made an incredible difference in my life, I wish all the best for all of his friends and loved ones.
I stayed connected with Jeff for several years he helped to support me though some difficult times, he really cared about people you could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes, I'll always remember and honor my friendship with ya Jeff, Love ya bro.